A Tip of My Brim

He’s a haggard ol’ man
Quite grizzled and unkind
Who fancies an untruth
Rather than “telling lies”
He’s unkempt, unshaven
Bristled with Jack and Sevens
A giant of discord
Though he’s “long” for Heaven

On the night Jesus wept
He played Judas’ silver
This self-proclaimed prophet
Took a Good Book – pilfered
Every proverb of sin
And proscribed with a whim
All the world is a fire
Salvation be to him

We chanced to meet in time
Between thick window panes
The eyes were quite surprised
His fry was not afraid

I paused,
lowered my gaze
Resolving for the day
That the brim of my hat
Would be all that I’d say

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “A Tip of My Brim

      • Thank you! It’s nice to see somebody actually reads these things, and I absolutely appreciate the feedback. It’s seriously something I consider a compliment. πŸ˜€

        As for the line in question, I hoped it would interrupt the flow. To do that, I broke the line into two. The 2nd line, which is really part of the 1st, is put beneath to “paint” the stanza by lowering the reader’s gaze. This has the added effect of leaving the 1st line of the stanza “malformed,” much shorter than the other lines of the poem, and hopefully makes the reader pause to consider “why for” this may have been done.

        However,”flow” can be very important, and disrupting it can jar the reader. I definitely don’t want it to be too jarring, so I’m gonna have to think about this one.

        And thank you again for the suggestion! I really do appreciate it.

        m(_ _)m

        • My pleasure…I know I treasure the comments and feedback I get!

          I actually did get that…the break and I like it…then pause then the lowered gaze. I don’t think it is too jarring…just enough πŸ™‚

          I was just saying
          I took pause,
          lowered my gaze
          versus
          I paused,
          lowered my gaze

          just a thought πŸ™‚ I always read it aloud when in doubt πŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s