月見時に (tsukimi ji ni) As we watched the moon
我々笑った (ware-ware waratta) We laughed
大声で (ookigoe de) In a loud voice
朝にすぐ入り (asa ni sugu iri) Into the early morning
まだお目を慕う (mada ome wo shitau) Still, I adore your eyes
This poem has been submitted to dVerse Poets under the prompt “Insta-Poetics.” There is a “2am” in the poem which I think will be easy to find. For those “form”alists, there’s a reason why lines 3 and 5 have an extra syllable in the original. 🙂
Mild Musings from a Mediocre Man 
Delicious!
PS Yes, clever 2 am, and nice way to begin the poem.
I’m glad you found it! 😀
Ah..that would be ideal, wouldn’t it?! Nice arrangement of language.
ah…a sea of happiness here…now…what a lovely idea of writing in two languages…feeling inspired…
I’m sure the moon loved it too ….
The moon of eyes of living love.. the depth
of craters that are no sand..
the iris of color..
the pupil
of
life..:)
I like the simplicity yet strength of your poem. Kudos for writing in two languages! This is something I have never attempted.
beautiful…. thanks for sharing this.
Of course you do. And the light of the moon
makes them shine just so.
Nice tight response.
To laugh with the moon.. To me this is something that you only do when in love. Wonderful with the two languages…
Thank you. I usually try to make the English in the 5-7-5-7-7 format, but I was lazy. 🙂
The complexity of the bilingual form is fascinating, & the English poem:
ås we watched
the moon,
We laughed
in a loud voice
into the early morning.
Still I adore
your eyes/ has a distinct Asian feel to it, all cherry blossoms floating down a rushing stream in the moonlight. The extra syllables E/U do not help me to find my 2am; sorry.
2am is not in the extra syllables, but elsewhere. The syllables are tied to the 大 kanji, which means big or a lot, and the length implied by the まだ, “still” or “not yet,” that it extends past this time.
Thank you for your wonderful comment and tending to my poem. It is very much appreciated.
AB
What a night… where can I sign up? haha. Beautiful imagery.
Make your way to Japan, and I’ll see what I can do. Thanks for the comment! And did you find the 2am?
Loved it!
Thank you kindly. I may need to adjust some grammar in the Japanese, though. Tricksy grammarses.
Tricksy in all ’em languages for sure 🙂
Still I adore your eyes….what a romantic ending to this.
I guess even I am allowed that on some occasions.
m(_ _)m
Yes you are allowed. Nicely done with the 2 a.m. And yes, Japanese is a tricksey language. And being dyslexic doesn’t help a doggone bit with the Kanji. even after years and I’ve grown rusty with age and no use.
Just beautiful.
ありがとうございます。
m(_ _)m
AB